If there’s anything today that can make a man second-guess
his behavior and impose an entirely different aura for how men should be
conducting themselves, it is the film by Jackson Katz, “Tough Guise 2.” And
yes, the title of this film is inspired with every pun intended, as “guise” is
a term for an appearance or projection, quite like a mask, to disguise the true
identity of something; and in this case, it is the toughness, which men are,
and have been convinced from adolescence that needs to be achieved and
sustained in order to climb the ladder on the manhood-totem pole.
It’s really not up for debate when Katz reveals the simple
fact that ninety percent of violence is committed by men. As we see all of the
violent acts that take place every day it is without a doubt that the media euphonizes the true root of these acts through expressions, which Katz elucidates as
“violence in America,” or “kids killing kids,” or “youth violence.” In “Tough
Guise 2” Katz says, “All of this is part of the functions how dominant
ideologies work linguistically to conceal the power of dominant groups.” Of course, when women commit such crimes,
though they are just as morally wrong, the media likes to capitalize on these
incidents and magnify the subject matter because it’s outside the lines of our
social norms—it makes headlines—headlines make news—news makes money. We all
know about these social norms and dominate groups, as they were covered in
class a while back: straight, Christian, white, able-bodied, (American), male,
and property holding, which formed the acronym (SCWAMP), all remain invisible
when mentioning addressing the problem. Many would agree with Michael Gurian, a
therapist and author of A Fine Young Man and The Wonder of Boys, mentioned in Michael
Kimmel’s What Are Little Boys Made Of?,
as he mentions that we should let “boys be boys” and the education system is
being ruined by feminists. Gurian is said to argue the fact that “our
educational system forces naturally rambunctious boys to conform to a regime of
obedience. With testosterone surging through their little limbs, boys are
commanded to sit still, raise their hands, and take naps.” It’s almost comical
that there are grown men out there willing to blame feminism for the “supposed
failure in manhood.” It’s as if these guys couldn’t let go of the fact that
their little sister beat them in a game of checkers thirty years ago and
haven’t had their opportunity to reclaim their title as the “Checker-King.” I
almost feel that this behavior actually makes these guys look like the “little
bitches,” the ones you lost all their sense of security to women wanting to be
paid the same to do the same job. So what’s the proposition? Should we let
“boys be boys,” accept the reasoning for testosterone playing the leading role
and cheer them on while they wreak havoc on their schoolteachers like little
gremlins? Believe me when I say, I was probably one of the most reckless little
boys growing up, and my father, definitely had a good dose of masculinity to punish
me with. He didn’t accept my behavior, my mother didn’t accept my behavior, and
although I said I wouldn’t be a thousand times, I am thankful for their
discipline.
The problem that seems to be more relevant in this situation
is the parenting—it usually starts within the home. The one thing Katz, Kimmel,
and Gurian would agree with is that this is mainly psychological. I don’t argue
with the fact that we are seeing a major increase in depression with young boy
today. I do believe that the reasons for the lack of confidence and early
stages of depression in young boys are more so because we have installed the
idea that they must become more successful, stronger, powerful, athletic, and
in all ways, more dominant than women; correspondingly, we have a much more
competitive structure with females, young and old, in all areas of society
including sports and education, which fashions a smaller margin of victory for
boys over girls. In addition to dealing with the stresses and peer-pressures to
conform to our societal analysis of manhood, it is because of this reason that
young boys feel failure: rather than the idea of just loosing to an individual,
if they are overachieved or outplayed by a female it becomes much harder to
accept because they will be looked at as a “pussy.” It’s as if the favored team
just suffered a major upset in the championship game. If the expectations did
not exists in the first place then the loss would be less impactful. Of course
the losing team isn’t going to feel so hot about the loss. As humans we still
need some type of motivational drive to excel in life, just not the wrong ones.
Take away the expectations then the fear of failure and shamefulness will
dramatically decrease, which would also generate more time for young boys to focus
on the areas where improvement is needed rather than focusing on masking their
image just to appear suitable for our “manhood challenge.”
Having a better understanding for equality and feminism will
only educate men and help us learn to control our frustrations and anger by
gaining a new and adding to our perspective. Many want to blame the masterminds
behind the video games, movies, and the media and music industry but I believe
this goes much further than them—it’s a cultural. I don’t believe many of the normalizations
are all intentionally scienced to hypnotize everyone, although there are many
that are, but it seems that most people are desensitized because of the social
norms we have created for ourselves. What sells sells and is going to
capitalized on if the consumer is taking the bait.
